Eddie Izzard: Vainglorious

We don't need to talk about Eddie Izzard, but I will anyway. Whether it's the news that they're aiming to stand for Labour in the Sheffield Central Ward, or that they're finding it difficult to date as a trans woman, you can't escape the 'girl mode' fiend no matter how hard you try.

When I was a teenager, way back in the 1990s, Eddie seemed to be a complete trailblazer. Watching his stand-up comedy on video gave me such a thrill. There was this GUY in a DRESS and LIPSTICK. He gave no fucks what you thought and he looked terrific. Oh, and he was funny too. Achingly funny -  with his flights of whimsy and multilingual routines.  This was someone to admire and to cherish. Although at the time I didn't know I was autistic, I did know I was gender-confused and it gave me hope that it was OK to just be me and not conform to typical male/female stereotypes. Eddie gave me hope - that it was fine to cut my hair short, to wear boys' clothes, and not to give a fuck about it.

Cut to now. Eddie is sixty. In 2020, they proclaimed they wanted to be based in 'girl mode' from now on and would use 'she' pronouns. I can't do it - I'll happily do 'they', but not 'she'.  In a recent interview, they spoke about being "a lesbian trapped in a man's body". That's basically a heterosexual male then? We're straying dangerously into Alex Drummond territory here. Or maybe we've already crossed the line - and are so far over it that I could wear my pubes as a beard and proclaim I'm a "gay guy trapped in the body of a white, middle-aged woman".

What's happened? Eddie has been quoted as saying "Visually, there’s not so much difference between older men and older women, so it does get easier". That's good to know. I'll let the 75 years old prostate-owner and uterus-haver who claim to be my parents in on the secret - that now they're well on their way to the old folk's home, they're one and the same and completely interchangeable. MumDad and DadMum. Bury them in a U+26A5 shaped coffin.

Visually, it's actually a crying shame Eddie the transwoman has gone down the 'AGP got lost in Bon Marche' route - because everything looks terrible - and it seems to be a recurring theme with many older men who suddenly come out as trans. Their true authentic self is chicken fillets in a badly fitting floral tunic.

Eddie the transvestite was a one-off, a man who dared to be different. Eddie the transwoman is a poor parody of womanhood wrapped up in a blanket of misogyny. 'Girl mode' when there's an acting part they want or a dress they like. 'Boy mode' when they want to be taken seriously and earn more money.

We're somehow still supposed to welcome them into the sisterhood as 'stunning and brave', for looking like they've been mugged by a pair of Grandma Ada's curtains. Your inner critic is screaming "Please! Not that dress with THOSE heels - oh, and another thing, your white male privilege is caught up in your knickers at the back..."

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